Kliges’ blog

I have gotten upset at times hearing people complain about being called for jury duty.  They say that they get called too much; the system is unfair; they don't want to waste their time; it is a nuisance; etc., etc.

I will make no comment about the fairness of the system - I don't understand how the selection process works and know that some people seem to get "called" with more regularity/frequency than others.  What I DO believe is that people can really miss the point.

After the complaining rant, they generally follow up with ways they intend to attempt to avoid service - either before showing up at court or during the "voir dire" process.  (The time attorneys and/or judges - depending upon jurisdiction - ask questions of prospective jurors and eliminate some from service on a trial.)

I ask them something like this: "If YOU were a party in a lawsuit, civil or criminal, wouldn't you like someone JUST LIKE YOU on the jury?"  The response is always: "Of, course!"  I then say: "Then why would you want to deprive another individual of the opportunity of having someone JUST LIKE YOU on his/her jury?"

There is generally no rational reply to this query.

It makes no sense to me.  With all of its faults (and there are many) our system actually provides the opportunity for an impartial group of strangers to decide facts in the context of litigation.  I would guess that many of those of us who abhore the thought of jury service and do everything within our means to avoid it will also complain the loudest when the system does not work for us.

Go figure.  "I wasn't there!  And if I was there - I didn't do it!"

Well, I guess many of us remember the story of Lot trying to negotiate with God about the fate of the twin cities of lust and perversion in the Bible.  Lot wondered how many "good men" would be enough to prevent the destruction of these cities as Lot and his wife (whose name was really Morton) were preparing to depart the Sin Cities.

Well, I had a "similar", albeit totally unexpected, experience today -

I had two reimbursement checks from my employer - one was for about $94.00 and the other for about $26.00.  They were drawn on Fifth-Third Bank.  (By the way, in these times, any financial institution named after an improper fraction should be suspect.)

I had the choice of going to "MY" bank, and simply depositing the checks and withdrawing cash for my upcoming East coast trip or going to Fifth-Third and cashing them.  I chose the second option because of other errands I was running and the relative locations of the banks.

Well, I presented the checks and my driver's license and indicated that I was not a Fifth-Third account holder and would need their little ink pad so I could place my thumb print on the check.  No problem for me - I like being fingerprinted.  The teller told me that there would be an $8.00 fee because the checks being cashed totalled more than $100 and I was not an account holder.  I was also told that I could avoid the fee if I "took a few minutes and opened an account."  Well, I have enough bank accounts already thank you and I only have a one-half hour lunch.  So I declined to start yet another banking "relationship" (was it good for you?) and agreed to the ridiculous fee.

I then asked the teller:  "What if I cashed only one of the checks, left the bank for a moment and then returned to cash the other check?  Since neither check was over the $100 threshhold I shouldn't have to pay the fee, right?"  Wrong!  He said that given what I said, if I left and returned in 5 minutes my intentions would be clear and he would, by bank rules, be required to charge the fee.  I then asked what would happen if I waited 10 minutes (rather than 5)?  Would that make a difference?  How about 15 minutes?  How about a different teller?  He didn't get the humor/absurdity or my point at all.  And why have a $100 threshhold?  Does it cost more to cash a check for $101 than one for $99?  Are they charging for the ink used for the thumbprint?  Are they expending any more than they would if I had simply "cashed" the checks by depositing them in my own account at my bank?

I wanted to ask him how long they expect to remain in business.  If this is what is necessary to sustain them they are in big trouble.  Of course, I am an idiot for not simply cashing the larger of the two checks and coming back some later date to deal with the other one.  I was so angered and amused that I could not think clearly.

Oh well.

Good news and better news about the embattled Illinois Gov.

First, he has agreed to resign his post, testify against the guilty, help absolve the innocent, help get his wife a job at Walmart, and alter the pronunciation of his name to "Smith."

The better news?  He has agreed to "step in" as Mayor of Detroit so that all of us here in southeast Michigan can be assured of continuing our fine tradition of high-minded, ethically sound, non-arrogant leadership. 

To help sweeten the deal for Chicago, our recently ousted and apparently incompetent Detroit Public Schools leader can take over in the Windy City now that they are losing their leader to the new administration.  Let's hope that Chicago can tolerate simple ineptitude and arrogance without the blatant corruption.

It is clear that we apparantly love and need to know insignificant stuff.  We want to know which actor is dating which actress/actor; who is in rehab?; what are the twins names?; can we see baby pix?  There seems to be many people whose celebrity is based primarily on celebrity -  as opposed to their work, or deeds.  Worse still, I think, is that too much celebrity is based on "looks."

Why does this carry over to news reporting?  Do I need to know that the victim of a crime ("man's body found outside Detroit church") is "black"?  Or: "The suspects, all black men in their 30's, were spotted driving away in a "late model" light colored SUV." 

Does this help - with anything?  In a world where we over-classify and people are apparently still looking for superficial distinctions to find reasons, rationales, and resonance, why report or dwell on the irrelevant?  DOES ANYONE REALLY BELIEVE THAT THE "COLOR" OF AN INDIVIDUAL HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE CRIME?  Only, of course, when individuals are responding to stereotypes that are helped to be perpetuated by the "media."

If you are going to tell me a bunch of irrelevant info about a suspect or a victim - why stop at skin color? How about this:  "A five foot eleven inch tall "light complected" man, who has athlete's foot and prefers boxers to briefs, and who once got a pair of fake reading glasses just to try to look smart, and who likes Pepsi rather than Coke, and whose parents met at a Detroit fireworks night, and who regularly visits a physician to get treatment for Transformational Recursiveness, and who last read a book in 2005, was found leaning against a wall in a no-parking zone and arrested by police.  Prosecutors are withholding comment (most of the prosecutors are between 5'3" and 6'2" tall and tend to dress conservatively) until they can determine the significance of the man's "reading glasses" and whether, in fact, his alleged actions actually violate any law.  Film at eleven.

Am I correct in what I recently heard?  Is there really an election coming up soon?  Is it important?  Should I pay attention?  I can't believe it - I am still working on my plans for Halloween.   Do I really need to stop THAT just to avert my eyes from the annual begging for candies from strangers ritual simply to vote with conscience and intelligence?

Am I, like many, off-put (god do I hate that "word") by a complex and intelligent candidate?

Do I really care how many times someone actually "reached across the aisle?"  (I tried that once at a movie theater and was in the hospital for weeks.)

My friends, I know what I knew and have always known, and I have never been more convinced that I am unresolved to attack any problem that does or does not exist - as long as it can elevate your FEAR and discomfort.  I will say whatever I am told is necessary to win so we can all lose.  "We have always been at war with Eastasia."

My "party" will be a quiet but excited expectation of moving to a new ground - a place where what can be done is not dominated primarily by what has been done.  There will be champaign, or Yoo-hoo, or whatever the appropriate beverage may be for you.

That will happen when the President of the United States is elected despite his name and skin color - and because he offers, and will hopefully provide, a new approach. 

Hey, they said that the "no-smoking" laws in NYC would never work.

Let's be positive.

Respectfully submitted,

Your average socialist, communist, left-wing ultra idealist liberal nut-wag.

This, believe it or not, has been bugging me for some time.

We all learned the "Pledge of Allegiance" early in our school careers.  Nothing wrong with that.  And, with few exceptions, we ALL learned to say it the same way - probably to promote memorization among the young.  It goes (as we learned it) something like this:

"I pledge allegiance  -  to the flag  -  of the United States of America  -  and to the Republic  -  for which it stands  -  one nation  -  under God  -  indivisible  -  with liberty  -  and justice  -  for all."

If you get the chance to hear young kids recite it, you probably will hear: "I pledge OF allegiance ..." Or, "One nation,  under God, INVISIBLE ..."  (God, of course, being invisible.)

I was really disheartened several months ago when I watched a cable TV broadcast of a local monthly meeting of retired execs and professionals - all well over 65 years of age.  Not surprisingly they commenced their meeting with a recitation of the Pledge.  These very distinguished looking and very well dressed folks all stood and said:

"I pledge allegiance  -  to the flag  -  of the United States of America ..." etc.!  Still spouting the words, tempo,  and phrasing they had learned many years ago.  A true "recitation" if I have ever heard one.

How many of us who say the "Pledge" consider WHAT we are saying?  What, exactly, are we pledging?

As I see it, we are pledging "allegiance" to TWO things: The FLAG of the United States of America, and, the COUNTRY which that flag represents.  A country, according to the pledge, that is ONE, united under God, and incapable of division, and which strives to provide "liberty" and "justice" for every one of us. 

Please don't get me wrong.  I am not a pin wearing, "love it or leave it" kind of guy.  I don't tell people we live in the greatest country in the world for a lot of reasons - not the least of which is that I don't know if that is a true statement - I simply don't have enough infomation, etc.

Nevertheless, I am very happy to be living here and I admire my fellow citizens (present and past) and our dreams, and actions (sometimes). 

So, my long-winded point:  If we choose to say the "Pledge", we should state it and not merely recite it from early childhood memory.  We should also know what we are pledging allegiance to and act accordingly.

And so:

"I pledge allegiance to the FLAG of the United States of America and to the country for which IT STANDS: one nation under God - indivisible - with liberty and justice FOR ALL."

We must always remain conscious.

Nuff' Said

This story actually appeared on my MSN local news site only one half hour ago:

"McCain's Wife Hospitalized For Hand Injury in Mich.

ROYAL OAK, Mich. - The wife of Republican presidential nominee John McCain was taken Wednesday afternoon to Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak for a minor sprain after an enthusiastic supporter shook her hand too hard during a fundraising event in West Bloomfield.  Cindy McCain's hand was shaken a bit too strongly at the event, which agitated a pre-existing condition with [sic] carpel tunnel syndrome, McCain's campaign said.

Cindy McCain has had several surgeries for her condition.

Cindy McCain was travelling with her husband as he planned to attend three Oakland County fundraising events Wednesday.  He'll also meet with reporters at the Townsend Hotel in Birmingham, a site of one of his fundraisers.

Stay with Local 4 and ClickOnDetroit.com as this story develops."

I am sorry - I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the story developments!  Please notice - in addition to the obvious silliness of the story - how poorly it is written.  For example, was she with him as he was merely planning to attend 3 fundraising events or was she actually going to them with him? 

What next: Obama's wife's sister's neighbor's uncle's dog was sent to a local vet today for, what insiders called, "a possible flea issue."  Stay with us as we follow this rapidly spreading story.

It makes voting easier to know this stuff!

This story actually appeared on my MSN local news site only one half hour ago:

"McCain's Wife Hospitalized For Hand Injury in Mich.

ROYAL OAK, Mich. - The wife of Republicam presidential nominee John McCain was taken Wednesday afternoon to Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak for a minor sprain after an enthusiastic supporter shook her hand too hard during a fundraising event in West Bloomfield.  Cindy McCain's hand was shaken a bit too strongly at the event, which agitated a pre-existing condition with [sic] carpel tunnel syndrome, McCain's campaign said.

Cindy McCain has had several surgeries for her condition.

Cindy McCain was travelling with her husband as he planned to attend three Oakland County fundraising events Wednesday.  He'll also meet wuth reporters at the Townsend Hotel in Birmingham, a site of one of his fundraisers.

Stay with Local 4 and ClickOnDetroit.com as this story develops."

I am sorry - I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the story developments!  Please notice - in addition to the obvious silliness of the story - how poorly it is written.  For example, was she with him as he was planning to attend 3 fundraising events or was she actually going to them with him? 

What next: Obama's wife's sister's neighbor's uncle's dog was sent to a local vet today for, what insiders called, "a possible flea issue.  Stay with us as we follow this rapidly spreading story"

It makes voting easier to know this stuff!

Like many people, I have for some time shopped at a "wharehouse club."  To be honest, I never understood the "club" aspect to it.  No meetings, no officers, no Friday night socials, no cool sweaters with neat emblems.  My "club" is COSCO.  I have come to realize certain facts about that shopping experience and my own perverse behaviors.

On the plus side - and this may not be new for your, but is for me - I recently experienced a different type of checkout procedure.  When the stores are crowded (when are they not?) employees will come up to people standing in the lines waiting to check out, wirelessly scan their membership cards and scan the items.  When you do get to the register, you leave everything in your basket, they scan your card, you pay and leave.  I am impressed by both the practical use of the technology and the efficiency displayed.  (Of course, there always seem to be people who do not listen to the instructions and take their items out of their baskets anyway - thereby negating the efficiency.) 

The wharehouse prices offered are great - particularly if you have a wharehouse in which to store the massive quantities or sizes of any given product you must purchase in order to walk out of the store with something useful.  As such, my purchases at Cosco had, until recently, pretty much been limited to cases of bottled water (e.g., you can buy a 35 pack of Ice Mountain for about 17 cents a bottle - the same bottle for which gas stations and convenience stores will extract 1.00 or more.  I also purchased a lot of "paper products" - i.e., toilet paper and paper towels.  What the heck - they don't spoil!  Think of it - 1000 rolls of bounty for only $1,330.00!  My mother would be in paper product heaven.  She has a long history (pre- 'price clubs") of finding paper towels and TP on sale and driving way out of her way to save money.  Of course, even before the inflated gas prices we currently experience, her savings were burned up by fuel costs, time and energy.  The upside was that all manufacturers of such products could cease operations and my parents would never run out.  Their entire house was a paper product wharehouse!

So, I don't live in or own a wharehouse.  I did have room in my freezer, however, and started storing my excess paper products there.  (Yes, I know, "what an idiot")  Well, in an unusual moment of enlightenment and clear thinking, it occurred to me that I could use the freezer for other things more appropriate: chickens, ground beef or turkey, gorilla kneecaps, etc.  And so, yes, I commenced buying freezer appropriate products at Cosco - and am actually saving a lot of money.  As an added benefit, the roast chicken with cayenne tastes A LOT better than the marinated Bounty! 

My sister and I have for some time been intrigued by unusual signs or messages.  Our favorite, I think, is a sign at a kiosk in a mall that read "Ears pierced while you wait."  Gosh, I hope so!  (No, I'll just leave them here and come back later.)  George Karlin, years ago, talked about "non-stop flights".  He said, "God, I hope not!"  Even one of our favorites: "No trespassing without the permission of the owner" was "immortalized" in Richard Russo's Pulitzer Prize winning novel "Empire Falls" as, what he referred to as, an "Empire Moment."

One of my local favorites was a large sign on a "convenience" store window (here, in Michigan, called 'party store') that said: CIGARETTES: National brands $40.00/carton; GENETICS: $32.00/carton."  Genetics?  I really wanted to go in and ask for a pack of DNA Lights.  Or, "How about a carton of Stem Cell Menthol Smoothies?"

Yogi Berra would love this! "What time is it?  Do you mean right now?"  No, I mean I'm asking about the time 32 minutes ago!

I like to go into stores and ask if they sell ice.  They say yes.  I ask: "Is your ice fresh or frozen?"  (They "freeze")

At Starbucks they ask if I want "room for cream"  I say: "Yes, but at the bottom of the cup."  They freeze.

I leave a restaurant and pay at the register and they ask: "How was everything?"  I reply, "I don't know, I didn;t eat everything."

Or, I walk into a restaurant with Dr. K at 7pm and am asked: "Two for dinner?"  The reply I want to give: "No, I and my 17 invisible friends are here for breakfast."

And, to end, believe it or not, I was recently at a fast-food drive through window and was asked: "Is that for here or to go?"

My reply: "Each and every alternating Thursday during the rainy season."